A Plate of Brown Mushy Food

After a decade of trying clever recipes for Thanksgiving dinner, I realized when I was about 40 that a plain old turkey, cans of yams, cans of cranberry sauce,  Brussels sprouts (see below), mashed potatoes, and maybe a tube of dinner rolls add up to Just Fine. 

This time of year there are always recipes in newspapers and magazines for more interesting versions of Brussels sprouts and yams and pumpkin pie and killer directions for how to make a pear relish that takes half a day and a special strainer you have to go buy at Bed Bath & Beyond.

 

Unnecessary tart-up of Brussels sprouts: Roasted Brussels Sprouts, Trumpet Mushrooms & Persimmon Dressing

Not worth it.  Someone will be heartbroken that you didn't do it the traditional way, plus you end up doing a lot more work.  It's gonna be a plate of brown mushy food, no matter what you do.  That's the goal.

The only concession I've made to the need-for-novelty is to saute very finely sliced Brussels Sprouts in olive oil, with plenty of salt and pepper, so it's like a tasty cooked salad. My mother's traditional recipe was to boil the hell out of them.

Free-range, organic turkeys are good but expensive and not dramatically better than ones from Safeway, in my opinion.   No matter what you do, the breast is always dry or dryish, which is why you have gravy.

Typical seasonal recipe: Hard Cider Gravy with Shallots & Thyme

Gravy binds it all together. My dad used to make it, stirring up a roux and gradually adding milk and Kitchen Bouquet while the turkey "rested" on a platter. As he got older, the handwriting was on the wall, and my sister and I began to take notes. When he died, we figured out how to do it, but it's always a fraught experience and there's never quite enough.

Only a first-timer would bother cooking pumpkin for a pie and then making pastry. Buy one. In my family, we always have a cake, too, because it's my sister's birthday. I buy that at Masse's in Berkeley, expensive and totally worth it. 

I have a pal who swears by the complete turkey dinner you can buy at Whole Foods. My friend Claudia is going to buy one of those this year, and we're going to help her eat it. It will come with gravy, glory be.

Even if you buy the dinner, you'll still spend the next week putting away platters and serving spoons, and in my family, impractical pieces of Chinese export porcelain because my dad collected it, and my sister and I inherited it.  It's all about tradition.