Thanksgiving Do's and Don'ts

So, here comes a copy of Bon Appetit in the mailbox.  (If only they knew--I'm the last person they should send a complimentary copy of that magazine to.).

I flipped through it and found an article  "modern manners" for Thanksgiving by Ben Schott.  Some tips seem helpful, some pointless. See what you think:

For hosts:

• Always invite a non-family member to lighten the atmosphere.  I agree. The more, the merrier. 
• Don't tell guests when dinner will be or some will arrive at the last minute.  Really?
  
• Bathrooms should be well stocked and absolutely spotless.  I guess that's a no-brainer, but it shows what an octopus-like commitment hosting Thanksgiving Dinner is and why I try to get out of it whenever possible..
• No scented candles.  "Roasting turkey and stuffing should be the only aromas."  Least of my worries.
• Don't carve the turkey at the table.   For God's sake, why not?  Norman Rockwell shows it that way.
• Suggestions for non-alcoholic drinks:  sparkling apple cider, cranberry or cherry juice and seltzer, iced Earl Grey tea.  And two things I've never heard of--please enlighten if you can: Blenheim ginger ales and homemade vinegar shrub.
• How to seat people:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

    










And for guests:

• Never arrive empty-handed, even if the host tells you to bring just yourself.  Schott's suggestions: candied fruit or caramels; pumpkin-seed brittle; granola; artisanal white bread; really good bacon; small potted herb, such as lemon thyme. 
• Resist the temptation to bring wine, unless asked.  Alternatives: good olive oil, vinegar, or liquor.  Not sure I agree with this--even if the hosts have chosen wine for the dinner, they can drink it another time, when you're not around and they've unbuttoned their waistbands.
• Never surprise your host with food that requires oven time.  Boy, do I agree with this one.
• Ahead of time, feel free to Google guests you haven't met.  This is supposed to break the ice, but won't you look nosy if you seem to know too much? 
• Thank the host within 12 hours via phone call, text, e-mail.  I vote for e-mail. 

We're going to the Claremont Hotel for dinner--yay!  Remodeling got me off the hook this year. But there's even advice for slackers like me:  Tip like Sinatra.

And for everyone:  don't be banal or offensive, argumentative or rude. (Doesn't it sound boring? Or just peaceful?)

Happy Thanksgiving!  We're still here, and Obama's still President.