Sisterly Wives

Roku has transformed my life. Now I can stream all the junk that's been on cable TV, which we were too cheap to pay for.   I sneak it in at lunch and sometimes in the late afternoon.  Some days I even watch it at breakfast.

A week ago,  I happened on to "Sister Wives,"  a reality show that sells itself as enlightened polygamy. No 14-year old girls betrothed to 50-year old men.  No prairie dresses (though the women dress modestly--no cleavage).  The Brown family belongs to a fundamentalist Mormon church, but they live in an approaching-normal, suburban kind of way.

I'm entranced. 

There's Kody Brown, the husband, early forties, who bears a resemblance to Bill Clinton.  Affable, back-slapping, smart, a guy who definitely-feels-your-pain.  His first wife, Meri, the only legal wife, is his age and favors gone-limp Farrah Fawcett hair; she has one daughter and has struggled with infertility. Meri is beleaguered but game, the elder stateswoman of the wives.

The second wife, Jannelle, is sensible, smart, the only wife who's employed full-time.  She has six kids, but the other wives give her a lot of help, including babysitting and cooking dinner (!).  

The third wife, Christine, is a pistol: outspoken, easily bored (how MANY properties do they have to look at to open a gym?), and motherly.  Which is good because she, too, has six kids.

And then the drama of the first season:  Robyn, comes into the family.  A divorcee with three children, she's ten years younger than the other wives.  Very sweet and longing for a big family. Robyn marries Kody, and the other wives are bridesmaids in brown satin dresses (get it?).

Kody runs around like a madman, "nurturing" his marriages, coping with twelve, then thirteen, then sixteen, then seventeen children.  He drives a sports car (the wives get SUVs and minivans) and at the beginning of the series sells advertising.  After the family goes public about polygamy, they have to leave Utah, where they're being investigated, and move to Las Vegas.  After that, Kody doesn't seem to work, except at managing his gigantic family. 

How they pay for all this--four houses, one for each wife--is a mystery, except that I read online that they probably make about $50,000 an episode, which works out to around $600,000 a year. 

The wives say they love each other and love having sister wives. They go out to lunch and to the gym and to girls-only nights on The Strip.  After while, I began to long for a sister wife myself, but more as an adjunct, who loves to cook and manage home repairs.   Jerry would have no physical intimacy with this woman, but she would know enough about him to roll her eyes at some of his behaviors.  (In case you're wondering, as everyone does:  Kody rotates between bedrooms, and there is "no weird sex," as one wife put it.)

Then I flipped it around and imagined having four husbands and nearly had a nervous breakdown.  FOUR men who can't figure out how to wipe crumbs off a counter.  Four who watch sports.  Four to remind about birthdays.  Four who can't find stuff in the fridge.  Forget it.

 Jerry is equally appalled at the prospect of having more than one wife.

"No way," he said, looking alarmed, which is not entirely flattering to me, but monogamous men tend to have this reaction.

The sister wives do get jealous, especially when Robyn appears on the scene, but they seem to manage it.  Except Christine, who is so hurt and angry that she and Kody have to go shoot paintballs to vent some hostility.  "It'll all work out," they assure each other.

Part of me believes that this arrangement is fine if all parties choose it and are committed to making it work.  Another part of me thinks it's insane, and they're just really good actors who need the money. 

I do think the government and the Mormon Church should get off their backs, and oddly the closest analogy I can think of is gay marriage.  The Browns should be left to live their lives however they want to.  Who cares?  They love each other, the children are well-cared for, and no one's being abused.  Never thought I'd say that about polygamy.